I have been a coward. It is true. I have complained privately about the lack of support among Christians for children living with HIV or AIDS. I've prayed that God would break hearts for the things and people that His heart breaks for..and then He did. Starting with mine.
For a while our children have known that there are orphans in the world. Three of our children are adopted and orphans/orphan care is a regular topic of conversation in our home. We've also had family and friends battle cancer and our children are aware of what cancer is and have donated their hair.
About the year 2008 I read a book that challenged me. Like a "good christian" I bought it, read it, highlighted portions, felt badly and put it on the shelf. Almost completely forgetting about the truth that had once pierced me...but did not drive me to action. I am very good about getting distracted and finding ways to get out of uncomfortable service...remember I am a BIG sinner, perhaps gifted in sinning?!
How patient and loving God is! I made some new friends a few months ago that changed me forever. I read about what they were in the process of doing. What I had highlighted and been pierced by caused them to act. The book that I had agreed with sat on my shelf as I took boxes of their books to liquidate so they could move their family to serve.
Finally last month we moved to act. We began sponsoring my friend's family as well and an additional ministry. From 2008, to 2011, to action. I am ashamed it took so long, but not that we obeyed.
I am ashamed of myself and how easily I understood the clarity of the message to go and do but thought that was a directive for other people. Using lame words like "bad, bad sick" to describe children living with HIV and AIDS to our children. Why was I so scared? They already knew about cancer, was that kind of sick any more horrible? Why did I silently pray that God would NOT ask us to adopt or sponsor a child that had HIV or AIDS...because I thought falsely that the child would die or "the church" would not understand or associate with us and then how would I handle that?!
I became the very thing that the world hates about Christians... a hypocrite. I will one day die from a "bad, bad sick" a sin problem that is only curable through the blood of Christ.
I am a BIG sinner, but I am working on being real as well as discerning in my home and outside of it.
Please learn from my mistakes and do not wait to go and do.
You are the church.
Now is the time.
“Learn to do right; seek justice. Defend the oppressed. Take up the cause of the fatherless; plead the case of the widow.” -Isaiah 1:17
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Monday, October 10, 2011
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Sunday, October 2, 2011
Awkward Comments and His Truth
Strange and true things that have been said to me at different times during our journey to a family.
Infertility/Miscarriage
"You just need to relax."
"Wow, I'm Fertile Myrtle."
"You'll see them again."
"You can try again."
"At least it was early."
Psalm 139:15-16 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
Foster Parenting
"I could never do that. How do you let them go?"
"You must have the patience of Job."
"You know where they (children) come from right?"
"Are they twins?"
"Are you a daycare?"
Joshua 1:9...Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.
Adoptive Parenting
"Are they all yours?"
"Which one is yours?"
"Oh, okay, like Angelina."
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Infertility/Miscarriage
"You just need to relax."
"Wow, I'm Fertile Myrtle."
"You'll see them again."
"You can try again."
"At least it was early."
Psalm 139:15-16 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.
Foster Parenting
"I could never do that. How do you let them go?"
"You must have the patience of Job."
"You know where they (children) come from right?"
"Are they twins?"
"Are you a daycare?"
Joshua 1:9...Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.
Adoptive Parenting
"Are they all yours?"
"Which one is yours?"
"Oh, okay, like Angelina."
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
What I didn't know
The past few weeks I have been thinking a lot about where my family began and what I didn't know.
We struggled with infertility and repeat miscarriages piling extra helpings of shame and blame on my already breaking heart. The confusion of crying out to God for my unborn children and the realities of little eyes and precious smiles I would never see this side of eternity. I didn't even know if my children were boys or girls?
The peace and the pain in whispered good-byes. The brokenness I felt knowing as hard as I tried, I could not make my husband a Dad. The fraud I felt as a woman and failure as a wife. I didn't know why God wouldn't bless me with a child? Were my sins too great?
God Knew.
"Build our family as You see fit." A desperate and radical prayer as we were foster parenting. I didn't know when He would answer.
He was waiting for me to be still & know that He IS God.
He made those little eyes and formed those smiles of my Heavenly and perfect children.
He held me up when the grief overwhelmed. He is a Dad and the One who makes Dads...and Moms.
My sins are too great, and He gave me a Savior.
His Way to build my family.
His Truth about how I am created and who He is making me to be.
His Life, the abundance I could not have imagined.
I believed, but didn't see God then. He is unmistakable to me now.
Our home is filling with adopted and biological children...and another son we will travel to bring home soon.
Precious Mom or praying Mom-to-be, He knows!
We struggled with infertility and repeat miscarriages piling extra helpings of shame and blame on my already breaking heart. The confusion of crying out to God for my unborn children and the realities of little eyes and precious smiles I would never see this side of eternity. I didn't even know if my children were boys or girls?
The peace and the pain in whispered good-byes. The brokenness I felt knowing as hard as I tried, I could not make my husband a Dad. The fraud I felt as a woman and failure as a wife. I didn't know why God wouldn't bless me with a child? Were my sins too great?
God Knew.
"Build our family as You see fit." A desperate and radical prayer as we were foster parenting. I didn't know when He would answer.
He was waiting for me to be still & know that He IS God.
He made those little eyes and formed those smiles of my Heavenly and perfect children.
He held me up when the grief overwhelmed. He is a Dad and the One who makes Dads...and Moms.
My sins are too great, and He gave me a Savior.
His Way to build my family.
His Truth about how I am created and who He is making me to be.
His Life, the abundance I could not have imagined.
I believed, but didn't see God then. He is unmistakable to me now.
Our home is filling with adopted and biological children...and another son we will travel to bring home soon.
Precious Mom or praying Mom-to-be, He knows!
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