Being real as well as discerning

I have been a coward. It is true. I have complained privately about the lack of support among Christians for children living with HIV or AIDS. I've prayed that God would break hearts for the things and people that His heart breaks for..and then He did. Starting with mine.

For a while our children have known that there are orphans in the world. Three of our children are adopted and orphans/orphan care is a regular topic of conversation in our home. We've also had family and friends battle cancer and our children are aware of what cancer is and have donated their hair.

About the year 2008 I read a book that challenged me. Like a "good christian" I bought it, read it, highlighted portions, felt badly and put it on the shelf. Almost completely forgetting about the truth that had once pierced me...but did not drive me to action. I am very good about getting distracted and finding ways to get out of uncomfortable service...remember I am a BIG sinner, perhaps gifted in sinning?!

How patient and loving God is! I made some new friends a few months ago that changed me forever. I read about what they were in the process of doing. What I had highlighted and been pierced by caused them to act. The book that I had agreed with sat on my shelf as I took boxes of their books to liquidate so they could move their family to serve.

Finally last month we moved to act. We began sponsoring my friend's family as well and an additional ministry. From 2008, to 2011, to action. I am ashamed it took so long, but not that we obeyed.

I am ashamed of myself and how easily I understood the clarity of the message to go and do but thought that was a directive for other people. Using lame words like "bad, bad sick" to describe children living with HIV and AIDS to our children. Why was I so scared? They already knew about cancer, was that kind of sick any more horrible? Why did I silently pray that God would NOT ask us to adopt or sponsor a child that had HIV or AIDS...because I thought falsely that the child would die or "the church" would not understand or associate with us and then how would I handle that?!

I became the very thing that the world hates about Christians... a hypocrite. I will one day die from a "bad, bad sick" a sin problem that is only curable through the blood of Christ.

I am a BIG sinner, but I am working on being real as well as discerning in my home and outside of it.

Please learn from my mistakes and do not wait to go and do.

You are the church.

Now is the time.