Orphans … Who Cares? - FamilyLife.com

Orphans … Who Cares? - FamilyLife.com

Awkward Comments and His Truth

Strange and true things that have been said to me at different times during our journey to a family.

Infertility/Miscarriage
"You just need to relax."
"Wow, I'm Fertile Myrtle."
"You'll see them again."
"You can try again."
"At least it was early."

Psalm 139:15-16 My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.


Foster Parenting
"I could never do that. How do you let them go?"
"You must have the patience of Job."
"You know where they (children) come from right?"
"Are they twins?"
"Are you a daycare?"

Joshua 1:9...Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.



Adoptive Parenting
"Are they all yours?"
"Which one is yours?"
"Oh, okay, like Angelina."

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

What I didn't know

The past few weeks I have been thinking a lot about where my family began and what I didn't know.

We struggled with infertility and repeat miscarriages piling extra helpings of shame and blame on my already breaking heart. The confusion of crying out to God for my unborn children and the realities of little eyes and precious smiles I would never see this side of eternity. I didn't even know if my children were boys or girls?

The peace and the pain in whispered good-byes. The brokenness I felt knowing as hard as I tried, I could not make my husband a Dad. The fraud I felt as a woman and failure as a wife. I didn't know why God wouldn't bless me with a child? Were my sins too great?

God Knew.

"Build our family as You see fit."  A desperate and radical prayer as we were foster parenting. I didn't know when He would answer.

He was waiting for me to be still & know that He IS God.
He made those little eyes and formed those smiles of  my Heavenly and perfect children.
He held me up when the grief overwhelmed. He is a Dad and the One who makes Dads...and Moms.
My sins are too great, and He gave me a Savior. 
His Way to build my family.
His Truth about how I am created and who He is making me to be.
His Life, the abundance I could not have imagined.

I believed, but didn't see God then. He is unmistakable to me now.
Our home is filling with adopted and biological children...and another son we will travel to bring home soon.

Precious Mom or praying Mom-to-be, He knows! 

So how much did she cost?

Are They All Yours?!

This month's meeting is today, August 14th 11:30 am room 204
We will be discussing: Are they All Yours? Gentle Answers to Intrusive Questions

Aubrey Nuckels for Abba Adoption Ministry

Proverbs 15:1: A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

At some point in your life experiences you will be asked intrusive questions or have strangers comment on you or your family.

If your family is like mine and more unique, if you have special needs kiddos, multiple children close in age, or children of different ethnicity this will probably happen more often.

There will be a time, likely in Kroger or a very crowded rainy day in Wal-Mart after a hard shopping experience and you're running late to pick up the other kiddos at school carpool and you will be stopped by someone who wither wants to comment on your family or ask intrusive questions.

You cannot control other people or the things that come out of their mouths. How you respond, especially in front of your listening children is within your control.

If you are sarcastic, rude or have an annoyed tone your children know and they will remember what you said and how you said it long after any strangers words are forgotten.

We've gotten better about handling these kinds of situations over the past few years. We teach our children that it isn't their job to educate people on adoption nor do they have to answer everyone who asks personal information about our family. We try to model this in love and respect. We are not perfect and sometimes struggle to be gracious with our words or gentle in our answers.

“That's family business. If you have questions about adoption please ask our mom or dad.” Taken from several places including many years of trying to figure out how to help our children handle intrusive or awkward moments..and people;)

My older daughters have shared a few experiences with us-

J.” Feels kind of unusual for me, feels like K. is getting teased.

People say things like” Why is your sister brown and you're white. You can't be sisters.” “You can't be real sisters.”

K. -”You have to be the same color to be sisters...” 

(their brilliant and totally original answer-”We can be different colors because K's adopted.”)

Those kinds of comments are from older children, but these are questions from adults

J.-People adults

“Why are you guys sisters,...but you're different colors?”

We work on scripture memorization and this is one is a helpful reminder to our whole family.

Ephesians 4:29: Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.

Additional Reading/additional Resources

Adoptive Families Magazine

“Helping Family Understand Adoption” taken from Adoptive Families Magazine

Suggestions for talking to your family members about adoption

• Appoint yourself ambassador of adoption
• Do a “background check” on problematic relatives
• Hold your ground firmly with compassion

“Why Do You Ask” from Adoptive Families Magazine

 Speaking Positively Using Respectful Adoptive Language

 

Frank Peretti: The Man and the Monster

Frank Peretti: The Man and the Monster
"He made you he knows what you're good at. He knows what you can do and what you can become. Trust Him. Love Him. He'll always love you back and He'll carry you as a father carries his child."

Peretti speaks about his childhood. For most of his childhood he felt like a monster: having a facial deformity and speech issues. How God used a "monster" for His ministry!

As you are following after God's call to adopt, allow Him to speak to your heart and remove some of your thoughts on "monsters" too.

There are many waiting children that have special needs and many of them are cosmetic or surgically correctable. In some countries things like birthmarks or facial deformities are enough to deem a child "monstrous" or unadoptable. Centuries of culture conforming on ideas of beauty bringing blessing and differences or scars bringing curses.

Yet, there is One that bore the scars. Made blame and "monster" for me and all of us. Perfection willingly made into deformity, scars through which we are all made beautiful and are blessed.

How is He calling you to define beauty, blessing, scars or "monsters"?

If He asks you to adopt a child that looks radically different, by world culture or by your own standards, how do you respond? When?

Do you simply deem a "monster" and disobey or do you yield and allow Him to guide your steps? Especially if it is towards a radical adoption?

“All at once came the thought – If you are simply obeying the LORD, all the responsibility will rest on Him, not on you! What a relief!! Well, I cried to God – You shall be responsible for them, and for me too!” J. Hudson Taylor

Beautiful Blog Party...

This is a bit of a departure from what we usually place here...the greatness well worth it:)
Truly beautiful journeyers in Christ...they are that amazing despite their denials. Admittedly, when I heard how God was working in their lives, in regards to orphans I HAD to KNOW them!

The McB's are too humble to see how inspiring they are...to so many. It is easy to champion the cause of daddyless especially on Daddy Day...but to go with young family in tow, where and when God leads you to go and do?! Being both mommy and daddy to the parentless and often considered  unreached people groups orphans due to HIV & AIDS...that's crazy...or is it?! How does anybody talk about HIV orphans much less advocate for them in church when mentioning brazier causes some to be off put...so naturally I thoroughly enjoy the fact that God has asked our church to buy underwear and braziers for those in need...not to mention the way my husband blushes when mentioning brazier at church:)

Here's the thing, they are regular folks. They remarkably just let God lead them to where the needs were and obeyed...and God is doing the remarkable through them...humbled by their obedience and awed by God's plan as it is unfolding bringing His beauty and Fatherly love to so many in desperate need.

Shameless plug because I write this blog and LOVE this family...
Please commit to pray over the McBrides as individuals and collectively with your own family as well as church family. Please consider making a financial commitment to them via Lifesong There is a direct link on the Zambia page to support them. Ask God to let you not only hear of  who He is, but to see Him a la Job 42. There will be more details on ways to support this remarkable work in Zambia coming soon...will tease you with the idea of supporting their "new kiddos" as a family ministry.Will say, that indeed underwear and braziers are in need:)

When you think of Beautiful Things...remember The McBrides, Zambia and the Beauty that God is making already from the once thought ashes of these precious children's lives.

Educate. Equip. Edify. Encourage. Excite. Embrace (additional shameless plug for another incredible ministry for orphans...details to feature soon)

God is good! His works are Beautiful!!!