We will be discussing: Are they All Yours? Gentle Answers to Intrusive Questions
Aubrey Nuckels for Abba Adoption Ministry
Proverbs 15:1: A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.
At some point in your life experiences you will be asked intrusive questions or have strangers comment on you or your family.
If your family is like mine and more unique, if you have special needs kiddos, multiple children close in age, or children of different ethnicity this will probably happen more often.
There will be a time, likely in Kroger or a very crowded rainy day in Wal-Mart after a hard shopping experience and you're running late to pick up the other kiddos at school carpool and you will be stopped by someone who wither wants to comment on your family or ask intrusive questions.
You cannot control other people or the things that come out of their mouths. How you respond, especially in front of your listening children is within your control.
If you are sarcastic, rude or have an annoyed tone your children know and they will remember what you said and how you said it long after any strangers words are forgotten.
We've gotten better about handling these kinds of situations over the past few years. We teach our children that it isn't their job to educate people on adoption nor do they have to answer everyone who asks personal information about our family. We try to model this in love and respect. We are not perfect and sometimes struggle to be gracious with our words or gentle in our answers.
“That's family business. If you have questions about adoption please ask our mom or dad.” Taken from several places including many years of trying to figure out how to help our children handle intrusive or awkward moments..and people;)
My older daughters have shared a few experiences with us-
J.” Feels kind of unusual for me, feels like K. is getting teased.
People say things like” Why is your sister brown and you're white. You can't be sisters.” “You can't be real sisters.”
K. -”You have to be the same color to be sisters...”
(their brilliant and totally original answer-”We can be different colors because K's adopted.”)
Those kinds of comments are from older children, but these are questions from adults
J.-People adults
“Why are you guys sisters,...but you're different colors?”
We work on scripture memorization and this is one is a helpful reminder to our whole family.
Ephesians 4:29: Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
Additional Reading/additional Resources
“Helping Family Understand Adoption” taken from Adoptive Families Magazine
Suggestions for talking to your family members about adoption
- Appoint yourself ambassador of adoption
- Do a “background check” on problematic relatives
- Hold your ground firmly with compassion
“Why Do You Ask” from Adoptive Families Magazine
Speaking Positively Using Respectful Adoptive Language
Speaking Positively Using Respectful Adoptive Language
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